Looking for some inspiration
to move forward and focus your life? Or perhaps you need motivation
about something important and yet challenging in your life?
Or perhaps you are in need of some “life coaching in
a nutshell” (the title of my new book coming out soon).
What ever it is here is a small selection of resources that
could be the start of that wonderful journey to a more fulfilling,
enjoyable and successful life. Or perhaps it could be the
start of discovering the real you. Just remember, there is
plenty more support available for you! Just get in touch with
me and I will be there to support you. My promise is that
I will make sure that your life is indeed lived to the best
and the fullest of what life can and will give you. Enjoy
by Alex Tana
"If you think you
can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right, you never
Mary Kay Ash
“I do not have confidence,
I have low self-esteem” tell me a number of my clients.
Why is it so? The main problem lies in the acceptance or rejection
of who and what we are. Many have of us may have experienced
difficult, hard times and we have allowed failure disappointments,
even guilt for missed opportunities to take the best of us.
We look at ourselves more and more critically. We feel that
we are the cause of our problems and reoccurring failures.
We almost become ashamed of who and what we are. And the outcome
is self-rejection, self-criticism, negativity, frustration
and ultimately depression. And sadly… to even more failures.
The key to all this is what
I generally call “self-acceptance.” But what is
it exactly? Self-acceptance begins when you are still a baby.
It starts with the positive or negative influence of your
parents, your brothers and sisters, your relatives, neighbourhood
and your school mates. Your own level of self-acceptance is
determined by how well you feel you are accepted by all such
people in your early life. What you think of yourself, is
determined what you think other people think of you. And your
self-worth swings as the opinions swing from positive to negative.
That is why the best way to
build a strong self-acceptance and self-worth, which will
in turn lead to a strong personality, has to start with a
journey of self discovery. It starts with finding out who
you are, what your feelings are, what is so special about
you and why. But what steps do we need to take to achieve
that? Let’s take a look at some of them together.
No journey can start unless you know how you are going to
travel. No change in your life can take place unless and until
you know who and what you are.
There is no point in brooding over your past failures, your
missed opportunities, you chances gone. History and the past
have all gone; the present however is before you and the future
is all yet to live.
Many people come to the point of “knowing” themselves
but fail to progress to the next step which is becoming “aware”
of their personality, their feelings, their attitudes.
You need to accept yourself for the person you are, with good
points and bad points, with strengths and weaknesses. You
need to accept yourself as a normal human being.
Think of your skills, the things that you do exceptionally
well that account for your success in your profession and
in your personal life right now. You will be amazed as to
how many you will be listing!
Think about your future possibilities and the fact that your
potential is virtually unlimited. You can do what you want
to do and go where you want to go. You can be the person you
want to be.
Put into action these points
and I can assure you, you are on the road to victory!
After a while...
After a while, you learn
the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
Because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth.
not come from winning. Your struggles develop your
When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender,
that is strength."
What ever time of the year it is
as you read this it is never too late to review what has happened
so far in our life, relationships, families, jobs, businesses,
finances and what ever else is important for you. It is time
to plan the next step forward. So, let me share some helpful
1. Review your goals/New year’s
Do you still remember them? Do you still have them pinned
somewhere noticeable? Do they need adjusting or twiking in
any way? Take time to think about them afresh as they will
be the basis of your actions for the rest of the year.
2. Review your achievements
What have you actually achieved so far? And what’s happened
as a result of them? And what have you not achieved so far?
Why not? What has stopped you? What is still blocking your
way? And what are you going to do about it? Be honest, do
not cheat, as you will only be cheating yourself.
3. Prepare the strategies to move
New year’s resolutions (just like any goal setting)
are useless without some kind of strategy to achieve them.
So, how can you achieve the next goal(s)? What steps do you
need to take? What resources (people, skills, time, money,
etc.) do you have already to help you? Who/what are you still
lacking? What are you going to do about them?
Ever been in the situation when things around
you don’t seem to go the way you want them to go? Or
you have that strange feeling that you are not in the right
place or at the right time or doing the right things or in
the right relationship or job? And what about those times
when you know that there is more than you can give out and
yet find it difficult to do so? Ever been there? Well, nothing
to panic about but certainly much to work on very urgently
if you care for your life.
So many times, often without even realising
it, we play the wrong film. Perhaps you play someone else’s
story. You envy the life that they live and imagine how great
it would be if you could live a similar kind of life. Or you
keep playing that same old bw film that you have seen so many
times. Somehow the past keeps coming back, holding you back,
and haunting you with memories. As a result you find it difficult
to move forward with confidence. Or you play a soap opera,
full of drama and action but often with sad endings. Perhaps
your life has been a series of disappointments and missed
If these words have stirred something within
you as I hope then let me ask you a simple question. Isn’t
time to play a new film? Isn’t time to play YOUR film?
Some of us do not set goals in the
belief that it is a waste of time and/or is restricting their
opportunities. Actually, that is really like driving a car
without knowing where you are going. My only answer to that
is… “Good luck, I hope that you wouldn’t
get lost or hurt!”
Some of us struggle in setting clear goals.
The excuse, more or less plausible, is that we really do not
know what we want. Actually what you are saying is that you
do not know what you “ought” to do as opposed
to what you like to do.
Some others may be nurturing goals in their
hearts and minds but have no clue as to how make them become
a reality. Even more they may well not know how to develop
effective strategies needed to pursue them. The fact is that
if the goals you have in mind are not clear what are you going
to focus on? And if you are going on by trial and error rather
than following clear strategies you may well be going to wonder
around in thick fog and … possibly get lost somewhere
in the dimensions of time and space.
So let me help you to get some clear focus
and above provide some quick pointers to successfully set
and reach your personal and business goals. These are just
some little tips out of the gags of tools that I have.
1. Write a big list of all the goals
that you think you should, must or ought to pursue
The list could include personal and business goals. Things
such as for example how to be more successful in your business
or personal achievements. Or how to initiate/complete a particular
project at work or at home. Or how to improve your relationships,
your health, your income. Or how to gain more confidence and
self-worth become healthy. Write down anything that comes
2. Go over this list and make sure
that you are clear as to what you mean by them
Perhaps you need to define them more clearly, break them down
into smaller goals or stages towards a bigger goal. This is
where you need to be as clear and as detailed and specific
3. Time frame your goals
You will need to make sure that for each goal that you have
selected you put a time frame against them. In other words,
by when would you like to achieve this particular goal? This
is very important because a goal without a time frame is only
4. Think of any obstacle that may
prevent you from reaching those goals
Be as clear as possible what in your mind and knowledge may
stop you or cause difficulties on the way to reaching those
5. Think of who and what may help
you achieve those goals
This is where you need to refer to your network, to your fellow
Black Stars, to enable you, support you and encourage you
turn those goals into reality.
Now, the whole purpose of this simple exercise
is to help you identify what you really want to do. And if
you are keen to achieve it, if it is exciting, it gives you
passion then you surely want to do it. Having done all this
relax, take a deep breath and start taking the necessary actions
to make sure that your goals turn into reality. You can do
it and you owe it to yourself to be successful in all that